Judge Not
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Matthew 7:1, 2
For those of my readers who do not know of Jeremy Clarkson, let me just say that he is a journalist whose views are generally both extremely right-wing and politically incorrect. I usually refuse to read his columns but the headline of his recent column in “The Sunday Times” caught my attention – “We don’t have to set fire to each other. We could just disagree.” In it he argues for dialogue and acceptance of differences without resorting to violence.
I grew up in a home that was full of love, but also one where strict discipline was kept. My parents had strong principles and were very clear about what was right and what was wrong. That’s good, except that strong principles can lead to criticism and judgment of others who do not meet the criteria laid down for acceptable behaviour. I was happy to imbibe my parents’ principles, but have found myself becoming more tolerant as I have grown older. I try to uphold the maxim “love covers all wrongs” (Proverbs 10:12), but if I am honest I sometimes hide my critical thoughts behind a smile. A character in a novel I was reading the other day was an elderly lady who used to speak her thoughts aloud, to the embarrassment of the company she was in. Horrors! Imagine doing that when you are wishing that someone would just shut up.
We all have strong opinions about modes of dress or behaviour. This can lead to criticisms without knowing the true facts. I’m not talking about political or religious beliefs, although I believe that even there we need to respect opposing viewpoints. I’m referring to the “shock” “horror” we experience when we hear that someone has done something that does not fit into our idea correct behaviour.
I certainly reacted with shock to the news that a friend had remarried less than a year after his wife’s death. However, after my initial reaction of “it is not possible”, I thought “what a great thing for him”. It was a situation where prayer for his comfort was answered in a way that exceeded my expectation. I know that it is what his late wife would have wished for him and I know that, while he will never forget his first wife, he now has companionship and a different loving relationship.
Remarriage is a delicate subject and we probably all have views about it. In “Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart”, Alan Wolfelt says on page 96 “Marrying again feels right for some widows and wrong for others. Neither decision is right and neither is wrong. Simply do what makes you happiest.” He goes on to explain that you will always continue to grieve your loss and to remember your loved one. If you do remarry, it has to be on the understanding that your first marriage will always be an important part of your life. Wolfelt also urges caution not to remarry while your grief is still strong.
“Not me, I am a Sycamore” 
“I am Shakespeare’s Oak” Birnam Woods
For myself, I am very happy as I am. I was fulfilled as a single career woman when I met Tom. Marriage was never on my horizon, but we had a wonderful life together. I miss him, but I have enough interests to keep me content. I think the fact that I was single for many years has helped me to adjust to being on my own again. Others, who married young and who have always been part of a couple, must find it much harder to be alone. Talking to other widowed friends, several are adamant that they will never marry again. Others are lonely and miss companionship. My cousin’s widow is very happily remarried, enjoying being able to travel and go to events with someone who has similar interests.
Thanks to the pandemic, I have learnt that I am a loner and enjoy my own company. I particularly enjoy my solitary dog walks. I walk Suki through woods almost every day and always feel calmer and more relaxed when I do. I love the woods. During lockdown, when we had to remain socially-distanced from people and were unable to give loved ones a hug, I just felt like hugging a tree one day in the woods. It made me feel so good that I started to hug “my tree” more often. I did feel a bit foolish at first and would look around carefully to make sure that there was no-one around to see me. However, I soon discovered that I was not the only one to discover a sense of calm while hugging a tree. There have been a couple of nature programmes on TV advocating the benefits of tree hugging and recently David Suchet (Poirot in the TV series) announced in an interview that he is a tree hugger. This made me research the topic more fully and I Googled “tree hugging”. Try it for yourself and you will also be blown away by how many articles and blogs there are on the subject.
The articles explain why one feels good after hugging a tree. Apparently, hugging a tree increases levels of the hormone oxytocin. This is the hormone responsible for feeling calm. Other feel good hormones such as serotonin and dopamine are also released. When we hug a tree our entire body is involved in the experience. All our senses are awakened and our heart rate and breathing slow down. All of these positive changes make us feel better, both emotionally and physically. These are the links to some of the sites I read:
Jesus said “Judge not and you will not be judged”. (Luke6:37). I need to be kinder towards others, especially those who think or behave differently. The world would be a much happier place if everyone accepted that it is not our place to judge others.
Great post Marlene
Thank you!
I have an enormous Australian Flame tree in my little garden….
You’ll have to post a picture!
I too am a tree hugger but may I add that I am also a tree listener? After winter when the rising temperatures activate the tree it will start to bring water up from its roots to its burgeoning buds. This is the ‘sap rising’ and it can be heard!! And I think it can be heard all the way through to autumn. How? Just put your ear to the trunk. (Obviously on a day when there is not a noisy howling gale around you.) And there are marvellous books out there about trees ‘speaking’ to each other, for instance a tree being attacked by aphids will release chemicals into the air, and through their roots, which will cause the surrounding trees to ‘up their defenses’ in some way or other. And I recommend everyone to read Merlin Sheldrake’s book on fungi ‘Entangled Life’ to get a tiny view into the world of a tree. We are at the beginning of research into trees revealing their secrets. But over and above all this science is to remember that trees are living beings created by God and stop treating them so carelessly.
Thank you, Mary.