10 Years On

It is the tenth anniversary of Tom’s death today.  Ten years ago, I didn’t know how I was going to get through the rest of the day, let alone the next day.  The future looked so bleak and empty and yet, the moment the news was out, friends and family reached out to share their love, compassion and support.  There were phone calls, cards and emails, all expressing sympathy and personal memories of Tom.  I began to see Tom through the eyes of his friends and colleagues and realised that I was not alone in my grief.

Ten years on, I still miss Tom, but I am happy.  I have learned that

• God is faithful and gives me the strength to cope.
• Everyone at some time or other has experienced grief.
• Thankfulness lifts me out of my misery.
• Creativity gives me something to focus on.
• My friends, family and church are my support network.
• Tom lives on in our children.

As I reflect back on those days 10 years ago, I thought about the service we held to give thanks for Tom’s life.  I wrote a eulogy inspired by the many comments friends had made when they wrote to express their sympathy.  The eulogy is too long to share here, but I would like to share some snippets in order to give a glimpse into Tom’s early years.

Tom was born on an RAF base in Wilmslow, England, where his father was based during the war. When he was only a few months old, his mother decided to move back to her family home in the peaceful countryside near Forfar. Less than two years later his brother was born. After the war, his father retired from the RAF and joined them in Scotland where he took over the running of the family farms. The boys grew up in relative isolation and both of them developed an intellectual curiosity from an early age. They learned to entertain themselves in an age before technology and spent a lot of time designing, building and flying model aeroplanes.

Both the brothers independently became interested in astronomy; his brother, because he was given a small telescope, and Tom, because of a master at school. At first Thomas just observed variable stars, but then branched out into meteor observations.  Using the workshops at his boarding school, he made his own purpose built cameras for this from ex WW2 surplus aerial reconnaissance lenses, later adding prisms to obtain spectra. The brothers also made measurements on the aurorae for the International Geophysical Year at sunspot maximum in 1957-58.

It was his love for astronomy that led him to the university in St Andrews. But his love for St Andrews began with their annual holiday to St Andrews from 1946 to mid-fifties, where his mother rented a house for a few weeks each August. He learnt to swim by splashing about on the West Sands. Tom graduated in 1963 with first-class honours in astronomy. He began his PhD thesis on photometry of star clusters in St Andrews and completed it in 1968 while working as a Research Assistant at the Radcliffe Observatory in Pretoria.

For the first part of his career, Tom was completely focussed on his research.  He then became aware that if he were ever to marry and have the home and family he longed for, he would have to develop other interests.  He became active in the Archaeological society of South Africa and spent many holidays in the hot, dry countryside on archaeological digs. He was a keen hill walker and became fascinated by the huge variety of unique Cape Flora. As a result he joined the Botanical Society and subsequently became part of a group being trained to lead botanical walks. He became a keen Scottish Country dancer, which is how we met.  Tom read widely and his library was extensive.

As I look back over the past ten years, I can see that I have made a new life for myself.  I have immersed myself in my interests rather than our shared interests.  However, his legacy remains.  Daughter has taken Tom’s enthusiasm for the outdoors to a new level.  Son is beginning to appreciate the beauty of nature and to care for wildflowers.  I am grateful for the home Tom provided for us and the garden that we can enjoy.  We even have the remains of his library to refer to.  Ten years on, I feel privileged to have been part of his life.