Serendipity
Sometimes things appear to happen by chance. It might be an overheard comment or unexpected encounter that sets off a train of thought or that sends one in a different direction. One evening last week, when switching TV channels, I caught by chance the very end of a programme. The Scottish Makar (the Scottish equivalent of the English Poet Laureate) Jackie Kay was giving a very brief introduction to her poem “Fiere” before reciting it while the programme credits rolled. She explained that it was a poem about two friends and commented that many friendships outlast loves. Although she didn’t elaborate, her comment made me reflect on the many friendships that I have had over the years. Some friendships have lasted nearly a life-time while others have petered out. Some friendships have helped me to grow as a person whilst others have been for the sheer pleasure of companionship. Although I regarded Tom as my very best friend, I am conscious that other friendships have lasted longer than our marriage. There are friends that knew me at school or university, and who later met Tom, who are still friends today.
My final year at school with several good friends included amongst the lovely bunch.
I grew up in the era before computers, mobile phones and social media. In those days you used a landline or the nearest “ticky box” if you needed to speak to someone. (A “ticky” was half a sixpence and was the smallest coin that one could use to make a phone call from a public phone box.) If someone lived at a distance, communication was by letter. Under those circumstances, it was not easy to remain in contact with friends unless they lived nearby. As a result, one would make friends on life’s journey and then lose contact when one moved away. To get promotion my dad agreed to be transferred and we lived in five different towns and six different houses. Despite this, my parents had life-long friends, friends we visited when on holiday or whom we met again when they moved to the same town as us. These were friends whose paths crisscrossed theirs and, despite different circumstances, the connection with one another and the enjoyment of each other’s company remained.
The thought of paths crossing and also of new connections being made – how one friend introduces you to another who in turn becomes a friend – made me think of a tapestry or piece of needlework. Different coloured threads are interwoven to make up a picture. Some colours are dominant, while others are barely perceptible. And yet all of these colours serve to make a whole. My dad inscribed my first Bible with the words:
My life is but a weaving Between my Lord and me; I may not choose the colours – He knows what they should be. For He can view the pattern Upon the upper side While I can see it only On this, the underside. Sometimes He weaveth sorrow Which seemeth strange to me; But I will trust His judgment And work on faithfully.
I think the words come from a poem called “The Master Weaver’s Plan” by Benjamin Malachi Franklin, but there are many versions of this poem, all attributed to different authors.
Although the poem refers to the circumstances of life, I see the image as describing the way in which our lives are inter-twined. Most of my friendships have been formed through close association – either at school, university, work, groups or church. There are also others that, with hindsight, appear to be serendipitous. The ones that come immediately to mind are:
- Philippa, who was my best friend through primary school years. She was Afrikaans-speaking, went to a different school and had a very different background. We used to catch the same bus home from school and one day she shyly asked me my name. We lived near each other and very quickly became inseparable. While non South Africans are very aware of the evils of apartheid, many don’t appreciate that English-speaking South Africans and Afrikaans-speaking South Africans did not generally mix. We had different schools, universities and churches. My mother’s family strongly disapproved of her marrying my dad because he was ‘n Engelsman. Friendship with Philippa not only helped me to become fluent in Afrikaans, but also taught me to appreciate a different culture.
- Jody, my American pen pal. When I was about eleven, I responded to a pen pal request in a schoolgirl magazine, but the girl concerned received so many replies that she farmed them out to her friends. Jody got my letter and wrote to me. We have been corresponding now for about fifty years. Jody is one of the most generous, warm-hearted, caring people that I know. She was so interested in my family that she befriended my mom and became godmother to my daughter. When my mom died, I made Mom’s dream come true and used some of Mom’s legacy to pay for Jody and her husband to come and visit us in Cape Town.
- Rogina, who was my charlady in Cape Town. One afternoon when I was buried under exam scripts, frantically marking, there was a knock at the door of my flat. Rogina was standing there, looking for cleaning work. I immediately liked her and engaged her straight away. She remained working for me through three house moves, marriage and two babies. She was the most remarkable friend and, when we moved to Scotland, taking leave of her was the hardest “goodbye” I had to make, because I knew that I was unlikely to ever see her again.
Nowadays, it is so much easier to keep in contact with friends. Email, Facebook, WhatsApp and Zoom all make it possible to keep up with one another, to hear each other’s voices and even to see each other’s faces. Pre-pandemic air travel meant that friends could come (and hopefully will come again) to visit. Since moving to Scotland, I have had visits from old school friends, University friends, Cape Town neighbours and cousins. What a joy it is to see them again and to talk as if we have never been parted!! Whenever folk asked me if I missed South Africa, my answer used to be “No, but I do miss my friends”. Now, my answer would be different, because I have made good friends here in Scotland. I am grateful for all my friends and for the fact that they have been my support network throughout the years.
Some University friends 
Neighbourhood friends; we used to meet weekly for Bible study and prayer.
Proverbs 27:9 “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” (NIV)
